Dating a widower is tough for the woman who’s found herself attracted to a man with huge baggage, but things aren’t easy for him either. Dealing with grief and shame in the face of new romance is a situation that is beyond tricky, but nevertheless one that has to be handled properly. In addition to facing your wife’s friends and family who might not approve of you dating at first, you also need to face your kids who’ve lost their mother and will never be the same again. Today, we focus on the dos and don’ts of telling the kids you’re moving on despite the sorrow that still fills your heart.
1. Choose Your Words Wisely
Widows and widowers dating is all about tactics, and you need to be smart when you tell your children there is a new woman in your life. You will say what you came to say, and they will be hurt to an extent, but you can lessen the blow by saying things like, “I’ve started seeing someone” instead of “I’m in love with this incredible woman”. In all likelihood, your kids will have mixed feelings about it, but there will come a time when they’ll understand.
2. Pick The Right Moment
Telling your son you’re seeing someone two days before his prom is not a good idea, and neither is calling your daughter on vacation when you know her friends have seen you on a date but you want to be the first one to tell her. Timing will play a big role in the blow you’re about to deliver so make sure you don’t tell them right before a big day, when they’re having a blast or when they’re feeling blue for whatever reason. Ease into it and say it without making a big deal out of it. You and your kids have plenty of things to talk about other than your love life, so just get in, say it, and get out.
3. They’ll See Right Through The Bribes
Widowers dating comes with a sense of guilt, not only brought on by the memory of the dead spouse, but because of the children who are tremendously hurt as well, and causing more pain is certainly not what you want to do. Talk to your kids about what’s happening in their lives, hear them out when they have something to say to you, laugh at their jokes, and be there for them. Don’t, for the love of God, try to bribe them because you’re feeling guilty. No expensive gifts, new phones or saying ‘yes’ to the things you’d otherwise say ‘no’ to. It will only make them mad, and they’ll feel like too much has changed.